When the devil cries
by Breeyar98
Summary: In an alternative universe Alloran escapes Esplin 9466, but unknown to Alloran the yeerk has fallen in love with him, and will do anything to retrieve him. Slash Esplin/Alloran, continues in the sequel "Brave new world"
1. Prologue

**Authors note: Well, I hope ****you will like this. I have always wanted to write about Alloran and Visser 3, so here we go. This is only the prologue, so it is rather short, but if I get enough feedback I will try to continue. **

**When the devil cries**

**Prologue **

**Esplin 9466's POV:**

It felt wonderful to absorb kandrona rays, to swim effortlessly around in the pool, enjoying the perfectly heated liquid that covered my body on all sides. All in all I felt great, I had just been promoted to Visser 15, and thus I was the 15th highest ranking war lord in the empire. I had everything, power, success, wealth, but what I valued above it all was him. My andalite, my host, Alloran. He was the most magnificent creature I had ever encountered, he was perfection, and I loved him with all of me. I was a traitor, according to yeerk law I should be condemned to death by kandrona starvation. Sentenced because of sympathy with andalites. Of course I was not stupid, I had not told anyone, not even him. He had been my host for almost six months, and I had still not been able to gather the courage to tell him. Had he felt differently about me I would have, but he hated me. He hated me with a passion, and I found myself unable to confess my love. I knew that he would never stop hating me, even if I told him, which for me was heartbreaking. You have no idea how it is to love someone, and at the same time knowing that this someone wants you dead. Then again he had every reason to hate me, which just made everything worse. I had considered setting him free on several occasions, but I found myself unable to complete it every single time. The thought of losing him was unbearable. It was a selfish thought, but that was fine with me. As long as he was mine it did not matter.

I left the pool after about an hour, looking forward to talking to him, to be with him. They say that yeerks are unable to feel love. I had seen this from Alloran's memories, that this was common knowledge among andalites, or at least common belief. It was not true, at least not in my case. I was hopelessly in love with my worst enemy, and I felt no regret or guilt whatsoever. I entered his ear with the usual excitement, and felt a shiver of pleasure run through me when I made contact with his brain. Shock surged through me moments later, as I realized that this was by no means Alloran. Instead of his razor sharp brilliance I was met with the dull stupidity of a hork-bajir. I suppressed it's weak mind with next to no effort, and took control, fury surging through me. Who did they think they where, replacing my host with this pitiful creature. Ha! I would make sure to execute them for this failure, slowly and painfully. "Where is my host?" I asked my lieutenant, glaring at him. His weak human body trembled, and he stepped back. He smelled of fear, and he was sweating. "We gave you this hork-bajir Visser", he said, smiling weakly. "Where is my host?" I repeated, a feeling of increasing unease settling in my mind. "Erm…the andalite, he..he…he escaped", one of sub-vissers silently whispered. I did not even hesitate. With one fluid motion I cut his body in half, blood spraying everywhere. Alloran was gone, my beautiful Alloran was gone. He could be hurt, he could even be dead. I had to find him, no matter what I had to find him. "Find him!" I bellowed. "FIND HIM!".


	2. Revolution of the mind

**Authors note: Ok, I managed to write another chapter. I am not to sure about how I should continue, so please give me some ideas. **

**Gyh: Thanks a lot for the review. Hopefully I will continue, but I need ideas for future chapters if I am going to write more. Thanks again for giving me a feedback!!!;)**

**Chapter 1****: Revolution of the mind **

**Alloran's POV:**

My first thought was to take my own life. After all this was a far better option than being recaptured. I guess I should have, at least then I would maintain some of my already lost honour. When I became the host of Visser 15 I had officially become an outcast. My people are not very forgiving, and I knew with certainty that even if I managed to return home it would never be the same. Because of something which was not even my fault my people, my own kind, hated me. Because of me my family was now living in shame and disgrace. There was no doubt in my mind that should I return home I would be an outcast, never to marry, never to have children. The yeerk, that vile slug, had ruined everything. Deep down I knew it was not only his fault, but this did not ease my hate the least. I hated him all the more, and I longed for revenge. My first priority however, was not revenge, but survival. Despite my miserable future I found myself unable to lift my tail and slice my own throat. I was young, not even fully grown, I wanted to live, and I wanted be someone. I wanted to make a difference, but most of all I wanted to retain my honour, so that I could live a normal life. If it was necessary I was willing to slay all the yeerks in this entire universe. After all it would be worth it.

I made up mind right there and then. No, I would not kill myself; I would take a chance and make a run for it. After only a brief moment of hesitation I lowered my tail and edged forward, headed for one of the storage rooms. The shrieking sound of the alarm ringed in my ears, but I was between two of the storage units, so they had not spotted me. I had only been on earth for one month, but I knew the yeerk pool inside out, just like the Visser, and that would be his downfall. This particular storage unit was not only used for housing supplies, it contained an emergency exit, which lead to what humans referred to as a mall. Just like the Visser, I knew the requested code, and to my amusement, my DNA was programmed into the gleet bio-filters. No, the tricky part was not getting out of the yeerk pool, it was getting out unnoticed. I silently slipped into the building, careful not to make any sound. They where on the lookout for me. Despite the fact that I had only been free for ten minutes, I was pretty sure that by now every being in the entire pool knew. They where probably preparing to seal off the entrances too, and I had to somehow acquire a human morph before that happened. Due to the Visser's involvement in the sharing I already had a few, but I could not risk using them, while they would be familiar to all yeerks present on this planet. No, I had to acquire someone new.

I heard their voices the moment I entered, a male and a female, busy working on some computer. "I told you it would not work", the female complained, glaring at the male. He shrugged his human shoulders and ignored her. There was obviously something wrong with it, and they where distracted, perfect! At the sound of my hooves they both spun around, staring at me with shock. I struck immediately, incapacitating them with the flat of my tail blade. Then I quickly got to work. I acquired both humans, and used a fhroolins manoeuvre to create a unique human morph of suitable age and gender. Now the next step was the tricky one. I knew that humans insisted that you cover your body in artificial skin called clothing. Not to do this would make me stand out, which was the last thing I wanted. They where a strange species, humans. I had always failed to see why they insisted on covering up their bodies. Especially certain parts where apparently inappropriate to not hide with artificial skin. Then again I wondered why they insisted on covering their feet instead of their nose for example. In my opinion a human nose was far more offensive. Actually I found it to be rather ugly. After intently studying the artificial skin the male was wearing I stripped off his outer layers, and tried to copy the way he had been dressed. In the end I was quite pleased with the result; I looked like a perfectly decent human. I exited the storage room and quickly made my way along the corridors. Stressed out hork-bajir controllers ran past me, dracon beams at the ready, but I ignored them. I knew where I was going, just like all the other people here I had a purpose, and thus they did not suspect me. I rounded the corner and calmly walked through another door, entering a new corridor. This would be the most dangerous part. Only the highest ranking controllers where allowed in this part of the facility, and if I acted out of place it would be noticed. I passed the gleet bio-filter and the guards without problems, and then I was in. Only a small number new about the exit, and so they did not suspect me. Why would the andalite bother to hide here, when the logical course of action would be too get out of the yeerk pool.

I knew it was him the moment I saw him, the way everyone seemed to cover for him was unmistakable. Visser 15, or Esplin 9466, the abomination, the slug. He hated it when I referred to him in such a manner, the word slug made him furious. Therefore I always addressed him as slug, or occasionally, snail. The last one I had picked up from a human. At first I did not really know what it meant, but I liked the sound of it. As I had predicted the Visser was curious and so he asked one of his sub-vissers what a "snail" was. Needless to say he was shocked when he found out. I thought the resembelence was funny, and his anger only encouraged my laughter. Then again I was also completely grossed out, knowing that I had such a slimy, dusgusting creature inside my head. To a certain extent I knew that he had been hurt by it, but then again, why should I care? Despite his hork-bajir host I knew it was him, but I kept my cool. He glanced briefly at me, and I could see his anger. It made me happy, I wanted him to be angry, I wanted him to die. But most of all I wanted him to suffer, and the look in his eyes told me that he did. I briefly wondered why. Of course he was angry, but fear and despair was something unexpected. In the end I decided that I did not want to know. At lest not now, I had to focus on what was important.

I rounded another corner, passed trough two more bio-filters and then I was out, a steep stairway the only thing separating me from my freedom. It was not a pleasant experience. As you probably know we andalites are a claustrophobic species. Running up dark stairs with tons of earth on top of me did not exactly help it. The air felt dense and heavy, and it smelled of earth and water. The yeerks had not even bothered to support this structure properly. They had simply bored a hole from somewhere outside, and then the taxoon controllers had dug out ragged steps along the sides. The last ten metres I had to climb, and I realized that I would never have been able to get through in my own body. Despite its superiority in other matters, it was simply not suitable for climbing. It took all the strength my human arms possessed to drag myself through the opening, and to freedom. I collapsed on the ground next to the opening, allowing myself about ten seconds of rest. Then I shakily got up, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings.

Despite my limited knowledge regarding humans, I could easily tell that I was on the outskirts of the city. There where not so many buildings here, and less people. I was in the middle of what I presumed was some humans garden. It looked deserted, and the fence surrounding it was old and worn. In the distance I could see forest and snow covered mountains. The entire area seemed deserted, so I took my chance, and exited the garden. The smartest thing to do would of course be to morph some kind of bird. Unfortunately I did not have a bird morph native to this planet, so at the moment I would have to endure being human. After a brief moment of hesitation I started walking, headed for the forest a couple of kilometres away. As soon as I got there I should be able to acquire some native animals. A bird, I reflected, that was what I needed. If I travelled by air I should be able to get far enough away from the yeerks, before they discovered that I was not hiding somewhere in the pool area. This time they would not get me.

**Esplin 9466's POV:**

I paced relentlessly back and forth in my quarters. They had still not found him, and there was no longer any doubt in my mind that he had somehow managed to get out of the pool. At least he had not taken his own life. This was what had frightened me the most, finding him in some deserted corridor, soaked in blood and with his head cut of. It was certainly not beyond him to do such a thing, and I was relieved that he had chosen to escape instead. Once he had almost succeeded in killing himself, and this was something I would never forget. Seeing him in the medical department afterwards, drugged, and with his wrists and neck covered in bandages, was devastating. The knowledge that his hatred and despair was powerful enough to push him that far, was also very disturbing. In a way the incident had been my fault. Had I not infested him in the first place, he would never have made such a choice. Then again I new I could not think like this, not if I wanted him back. I could make him happy and content, it was possible, of that I was sure. It would just take time. Now I only had to find him, which I already knew would be challenging. He was intelligent, cunning and ruthless, and he could morph. A very dangerous combination I reflected, knowing that he would stop at nothing to avoid getting recaptured. Well, as long as he was safe. That was the most important thing.

With a sight I exited my quarters, heading for the pool area. I had decided to take a human host instead of my current hork-bajir, at least for the time being. No human could be compared with Alloran of course, but I figured it would be a wise move. This way I would get more human knowledge, which I suspected was necessary, should I be able to find Alloran. I was tired of getting advice I did not understand regarding humans and their customs, at least now I could get some knowledge on my own. Not for the first time I wondered what he was doing, my Alloran, now that he was free again. Was he perhaps running? Or had he morphed some earth creature? He loved to run, and also to jump. When we fed outside I usually gave him control, so that he could run and buck as much as he wanted to. That was when he was the happiest, when he could push his body to its limits and chase the wind. I sighted, trying to think of something else. Despite the fact that I continued to reassure myself that he was ok, I just could not let it go. I was worried sick about him, and thus I did something I had never done before, I cried.


	3. A need for speed

**Authors note: Well, I managed to write another one. Hope you like it, and please review!!!**

**Chapter 2: ****A need for speed **

**Esplin 9466's POV:**

It was now two months since Alloran's escape, and I had still not heard anything. My spies, investigators and search teams seemed to have no clue, as to where he might be hiding. The fact that they had been unsuccessful made me feel oddly proud. He truly was a mesmerizing creature, and intelligent too I reflected, knowing that his intelligence would probably be my downfall someday. I missed him with all of me. Despite his hatred for me, I wanted nothing more than to be with him. Ha had hurt me too, many times actually. Of course I tried to hide this from him, but it had not taken him much time to figure it out. At that point his insults got more personal and unflattering, and the only thing that kept me from torturing him was the fact that I loved him. Had it been any other host I would not even hesitated. Mental torture is quite effective when it comes to dealing with rebellious hosts, but I could never do such a thing to Alloran. No, even when he called me a snail I did not punish him. As an after thought I had to admit that if I had been him I would also have gotten some amusement out of it. I had been shocked and angered, but also hurt, when I learned what a snail was. Alloran had laughed about it for weeks, constantly bringing up the memory of the snail. He only did it to annoy me of course, and I guess I should have put an end to it. Then again I found myself unable to punish him, or refuse his requests for that matter. While he seemed to get so much amusement from it I allowed him to continue bringing it up, again and again.

I sighted, and leaned back, resting my head against the soft leather in the back seat of the limousine. My host was silent, hiding in some untouched place of his mind. I had crushed him within a couple of hours after infesting him, and he had obeyed me ever since. It surprised me that we had so many reports about rebellious human hosts, this one had been easily subdued, so to be honest I did not really see the problem. Compared to Alloran, who constantly fought for control, he was nothing. The car came to a halt outside the sharing's new community centre, and the door was opened for me. I was supposed to attend an important meeting with my sub-vissers, which took place here. Normally I would attend to such matters within the pool complex, but while I had just finished a speech at some sharing arrangement, it was better to do it here. This way I could get it done faster. I had never really liked such meetings, but now I had come to hate them. Before I could always depend on Alloran to make them interesting, while he liked to criticize and analyze them. Now I felt strangely alone, and usually no one had anything interesting to say anyway. This time however, was an exception. The first thing that was said when I entered, made me shiver with excitement. "We have found him Visser!"

**Alloran's POV: **

In the beginning I was simply content on my own. Walking about the forest and the steep hillsides of my new home, running, acquiring morphs. It was the happiest I had been since before the infestation. I had even made myself a scoop, hidden behind some bushes along the riverbank. Of course it could not be compared to my parents scoop at home, but all in all I was quite pleased with it. It sheltered me from rain and cold nights, and I could store all my things in there. Not that I had much for that matter, but I cherished what little equipment I had been able to gather. About a week after arriving in the area I had learned was called Hollywood; I had started gathering ruined human computers. It had taken some time of course, but in the end I had a perfectly functioning computer with internet in my scoop. I had also repaired an old television, along with a DVD player. To supply electricity I had modified some old solar panels, and hidden them in the trees nearby. All in all I was quite pleased with myself. Mi skills at blending in as a human had also improved quite a lot, and every second day or so I went in to the city in my human morph. This was one of these days, and I was sitting at an outdoor café, enjoying a cup of coffee. It had taken time to learn how one went about controlling the human instincts, and I am proud to say that I was able to drink the coffee as one should. My first time at this particular café I had been thrown out, according to the manager it was due to inappropriate behavior. I had changed human morph after this of course, so I would not be recognized and remembered. After all every yeerk on the planet was on the lookout for me, so I had to take my precautions.

Today I actually had plans; I was not just wandering about without any purpose. No, today I was exited. I had decided to buy myself one of those motored vehicles that where referred to as cars. Of course this did require some research beforehand, so I had spent the last couple of days on the internet, trying to decide what car I wanted. Then again there had also been some other problems to attend to. I had hacked into the state register, and created myself a fake identity, along with a license and a credit card. Then I had stolen an appropriate amount of money from some rich company, and transferred it unnoticed into my account. Humans insist of bargaining with small metal coins called cash, and I knew that if I wanted to survive in this world, money was required. No offence, but human security systems are pitiful. Their knowledge of computers too, come to think of it. An andalite child would not experience much difficulty, not even with their most advanced systems and codes. Naturally it was a piece of cake for me, and I laughed at their idiotic attempts at protecting their computer systems. Especially this internet thing, which they where so fond of, made it incredibly easy to get access to what I wanted. Through it I got access to hundreds of other computers. The human name I had chosen for myself was Thomas Smith. After spending some time messing around with Google I had discovered that they where both very usual names. I figured it would help me remain unnoticed if my name was a common one. After one last seep of coffee I got up, and strolled casually along the sidewalk. I knew where I was headed, while I had checked the location of the store with something called Google earth. Considering it was invented by humans I had to admit that it was surprisingly practical.

It had taken me sometime to decide on which car I wanted, while there where so many to choose from. In the end I had entered a car forum on the internet, and asked for advice. Within a couple of hours I had gotten over twenty replies, suggesting various types. I checked out most of them, but failed to find something of interest, until the last suggestion. "If you have a need for speed, you should buy yourself a Ferrari", the note read. Naturally I had no idea what a Ferrari was, but I definitely did have a thing for speed. So, I Googled the phrase "Ferrari car", and moments later I more or less fell in love. It was perfect! With the exception of my fighter it was the most beautiful machine I had ever laid eyes on. Ferrari Fiorano 599, that was the car I wanted! Therefore it should not surprise you that I was headed for a Ferrari store. I had already decided that I wanted it to be red, for some reason it just felt right. A red Ferrari I reflected, the phrase had a very stylish vibe to it. Stylish, that was the right word, or perhaps classy? Both would suit it perfectly I decided, grinning brightly as I walked up to the store. It was a quite modern building, at least by human standards. It was built solely from glass, and the word Ferrari was written in silvery letters along the front of the structure. Here we go I thought, opening the door.

The human male in the reception regarded me with a skeptical stare. I suspected it might be because of my artificial skin. Although I myself was confident that I appeared as a perfectly decent human, it was difficult to match the colors of the artificial skin properly. After intently studying various programs on my television, I had learned that the color combinations of the artificial skin was very important. One program in particular, the fashion police, had been very useful. Today I looked nice, at least in my own opinion. I had on blue jeans, a yellow and purple t-shirt, and my shoes had a wonderful neon green color. Despite this the human male at the counter was dressed quite differently, and I briefly wondered if I had offended him. He was wearing what I had learned was called a suit, and he had polished black shoes. "I am here to buy a Fiorano 599", I announced, walking up to him. He stared at me with his mouth open for a while, and then his face contorted into a bright smile. "Of course", he said. "I can pay now, but I want the car delivered to this location" I continued, handing him my credit card and a paper with the required information. The male seemed to be in shock. Had I acted strange again? However he became almost overly friendly when he gave me my credit card back, and I wondered why he was suddenly so happy. Then I calmly walked out, hands in my jeans pockets, already looking forward to getting the car. I had rented a warehouse on the outskirts of the city, not to far way from the forest where I lived. The man in the store had agreed to meet me 3 O'clock at a gas station nearby, to hand me the car and a set of spare keys. Then I would drive to the warehouse myself afterwards, and they would not know where I kept the car. After my capture I had gotten a valuable lesson, you can never be too careful. Better to take extra precautions, than ending up infested once more.

Things where looking up for me. As I ran at full speed over the meadows near my scoop that evening, I felt completely happy and carefree. The grass was decent enough, and I was free. Of course I longed for home, but considering what I had been through, I was more than content with my current situation. I stopped in the middle of the meadow, gazing up at my home star. It was a clear night, and the stars glimmered softly on a sky of black velvet. My home star seemed to glow the strongest, at least in my eyes. There was a place out there for me too, I reflected. I was not alone, it would just take some time before I could go back. In a years time, when the Visser had given up on finding me, then I would try to return. But not before. This time I was not going to make any mistakes, this time I would succeed. And while I waited for my chance I would enjoy and explore this planet. Yes, life was good, and it could only get better, this I was sure of.


	4. Lonely is the word

**Authors note: Well, another chapter is now up! I hope you like it, and please review!**

**Next chapter will be up when I have ****3 reviews for this chapter. It does not take much time to give a feedback, and quite frankly, I see no point in writing unless I know someone is reading. **

**Metamorphstorm: Thank you so much for a great review!!! You are undoubtedly my most fateful reviewer!!!;D**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Lonely is the word**

**Alloran's POV:**

It was a nice crispy morning, one of those mornings when everything is consumed by the beauty of the rising sun. The grass was dense and covered in glimmering drops of water, and magnificent beams of sunlight made them shimmer, resembling tiny crystals. I could hear the energetic squeaks of several birds in the trees above me, and the air smelled of water and earth. With a playful wine I broke into a gallop, and raced across the meadow with all the speed I possessed. The dense grass whipped my sides, urging me forward, and I ran faster. I felt so free, so unimaginably free! This was what I was designed to do, to run, to use my speed. I whipped tail from side to side in excitement, slicing the bushes I blasted past to pieces. That was when I saw her, and my hearts almost stopped. A human female, about twenty I would guess, was sitting on a tree branch on the other side of the river, watching me. I slid down on my haunches, and came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the meadow. What in yaolin should I do?

The female, at least I thought it was a female, jumped down from the tree and hesitantly approached me. She had long jet black hair, and hazel eyes, and she was unusually slender. Almost like a skeleton. I briefly wondered if she had anorexia. A couple of days earlier I had watched a documentary about it, and she was very skinny. Humans and their strange behavior, where was the point in willingly starving yourself to death? My attention was abruptly drawn elsewhere when she waded across the river, edging closer. "Hello human", I hesitantly said, unsure of what to do. I was pretty confident that she was not a controller. Had she been infested it was likely that she would just have attacked. After all it seemed like she had been watching me for a while. "Hello", she replied, stopping about ten meters away from me. "What are you?" She then asked, obviously curious. "I am an andalite", I said, watching her reaction closely. No, she was definitely not a controller, this I was sure of. She was too curious, and far too friendly. "For how long have you been watching me?" I asked her, tensing my tail a little. She shrugged, and shyly brushed her long hair away from her eyes. "I saw you yesterday, at the café. I thought, well, I thought you where handsome, so I followed you. And then, well, you can probably imagine I was quite shocked", she said, smiling. I waved my stalks at that, returning the smile. "Yea, I can imagine".

"So, are you some kind of alien?" she asked, having studied me for a while. "Yes, I guess you could say so", I answered, feeling slightly uncomfortable under her gaze. "Are you not afraid?" I then asked, shifting slightly and draping my tail over my lower back. My tail blade reflected the bright morning sun, and it gave away a silvery gleam. "No, only surprised, but not afraid. I knew you would never hurt me", she said, smiling again. I sent her a puzzled look wondering how she could know such a thing. During the last weeks I had learned a lot about humans, but it still confused me how they could pretend to know things beforehand, when it was obvious that they did not possess such knowledge. She fiddled nervously with her backpack, and I instantly tensed, half expecting her to pull out a dracon beam. Instead she closed her fingers around a piece of paper, and edged closer, offering it to me. "I hope you are not angry, but you are so beautiful, so I could not resist drawing you", she said. After a moments hesitation I accepted the paper, wondering what "drawing" was. Then I turned the paper around, and stared with wonder at myself running. A drawing I reflected, instantly knowing that it was artwork, and thus a great gift. "It is a stunning a piece, and I am most grateful for this offer, but I am afraid I can not accept this", I said, regretting giving it back. She stared at me for a couple of seconds, and then she laughed. It was a wonderful sound, and it ringed pleasantly in my ears. "Don't think about it, and besides I could always make another one.

"Don't do that!" I scolded, immediately regretting my harsh tone. She looked taken aback, and stepped away from me, afraid I assumed. "I am very sorry", I quickly said, honestly meaning it. "I did not mean to hurt you; it is just that there are other aliens on this planet, evil aliens, which are looking for me". She nodded her head, and smiled shyly at me. "Of course, I understand. I will not draw you again unless I intend to give you the drawing", she said. "These evil aliens, who are they, and what do they want?" She then asked. For a brief moment I considered killing her. It was obvious that she would not leave without me answering her questions. However she was a major security risk, and if the yeerks got a hold of her, my freedom would most likely be over. Then again I needed a friend, someone to help me survive, and I had a feeling she might be the one. "They call themselves yeerks, and they are parasitic slugs. They wrap themselves around other creatures' brains, taking control of their body. Every memory and thought are theirs to play with, and resistance is useless. They are here to get more hosts", I brutally told her, expectantly awaiting her reaction. "And you fight these yeerks?" She asked, surprising me with her insight. "Yes, we fight them", I said tiredly. "Until two months ago I was the host of the leader of this invasion. I managed to escape, but every controller on this entire planet is looking for me", I finished, expecting her to at least freak out at this statement. She did not, she merely watched me, her hazel eyes gleaming in determination. "I will help you andalite", she then said, no room for negotiation. And thus the start of an alliance began, and also a friendship I had never expected.

**Esplin 9466s POV: **

"Where", I demanded. "Where is he?" The sub-Visser inhaled deeply, clearly nervous, having my undivided attention. "Well, we have not exactly found him Vv…Visser" he stuttered, eyes bulging with fear. "But we have found his tracks", another one chimed in, undoubtedly trying to impress me. "Follow them, and inform me the moment you uncover his location", I barked, desperately trying to ignore the tinge of disappointment that steadily increased. At least this was better than nothing, I reflected, knowing that sooner or later I would have him again. It was just a matter of time, and then he would be safe with me. With that I promptly left the meeting, my thoughts once more dwelling in memories of him, of my love, of my Alloran.

_**Flashback: **_

_I knew that I loved him the moment I laid eyes on him. He stood there, a dracon gun pressed against his neck, and his tail secured in a sheet. A couple of hork-bajirs had a firm hold of his shoulders, making sure he would not try anything. "Kill me yeerk, just kill me" he sneered. "I have no __intentions of staying alive amongst you scum". Kill him? Kill him? How could I even consider killing such a magnificent creature? I watched him with awe, reveling in his beauty. His coat was a deep cobalt blue, and it was rich and glossy, almost metallic looking. My eyes traveled down his body, taking in his tall and slim, yet muscular built, and his refined features. He was handsome in a very attractive way, even my current host, a hork-bajir, seemed to find him beautiful. I gazed into his sea green eyes once more, admiring their rich color and intensity. "I can't kill you andalite", I finally said, forcing my gaze away from his intoxicating attractiveness. "You will live, but I assure you that I will treat you excellently. You deserve the best", I said, motioning for my guards to take a better hold of him. They did, and I saw realization dawn on him. "NO, NO, you can't do this, yaolin NO! I hate you, let me go!" He screamed, but to on avail. I took a gently hold of his chin, stroking his cheek tenderly. His fur smelled pleasantly, and it felt like touching silk. "I will kill you, I WILL KILL YOU!!! I ignored his screams and despite him trashing wildly I was able to press my ear against his. Slowly, hesitantly I left the hork-bajir, and made my way into unexplored territory. _

_The mind that met me was completely different from any other I had ever encountered. The first I felt was intelligence, a blinding, analytical and ruthless intelligence. He was razor sharp, and he was brilliant. This mind was powerful, very powerful, and I immediately knew that it would take all my skills to control it. I took control, and did my best to ignore his screams and curses. "I am in control", I announced, almost giddy with pleasure. This body was magnificent. He was strong and powerful, dangerous. I could feel waves of energy run through him, like electrical charges. I could see in all directions at once, and his sight was by far superior to any other creature I knew of. And the tail, that excellent tail! It was a natural elongation of his body, and I tensed it, coiling the powerful muscle before testily lashing out. "Don't take my tail scum, don't!" My new host sneered, his presence radiating anger and despair. "You are magnificent", I praised him, sending him a wave of pleasant feelings in an attempt at calming him. This did not help the least, instead he more or less exploded, and wave after wave of rage hit me, like a current that threatened to drown me. After a moments hesitation I looked through his memories, finding his name. "Alloran?" I addressed him calmly. "I promise you I will not treat you badly. I admire you, and as I said you deserve the best. I can give you everything you have ever wanted, just name it". He fell silent for a moment, contemplating my words. "I want freedom", he then said, and I knew that this was something I could never give him. _

_Alloran Semitur Corass, an andalite warrior, 24 years old, and not even fully grown yet. His specialty was tail fighting, and he had joined the military because he wanted to fight. He came from a family of common standing, his father a scientist, and his mother a morph dancer. He had an older brother, Arbat, whom he did not like very much, and I could tell from his memories that this Arbat was nowhere near as great as my Alloran. __"Your brother is nothing compared to you", I observed, finding myself surprised that differences between siblings could be so apparent. "Don't talk about my brother, he is far greater than you will ever be", came the venomous reply. However this was almost meek, compared to his earlier tirades that was. He was tired I realized, exhausted even. I felt oddly proud when I saw what a fight he had put up against my soldiers, no wonder he was tired. After giving my underlings the information required to design quarters suitable for my Alloran, I left the pool area, headed for what would be our home for the night. The room was quite big, soft carpets on the floor, and a wide platform, covered with comfortable bedding, occupied the middle of it. A computer console rested in one corner, and the lights where comfortably dimmed. After a moments hesitation I gave him control, and inwardly smiled when I felt his surprise. "Go on, prepare for sleep", I sad softly. "There should be liquid grass and water for you next to the refresher". _

_He complied and strolled over to it, eying the liquefied grass with something close to horror. "We will feed outside from tomorrow on, every day!" I quickly promised, feeling bad for him. He should not have to endure this, as I had already told him, he deserved the best. His silence continued, and I did not pry on his thoughts. I figured he needed his privacy, so I let him be, instead I observed him with a combination of longing and curiosity. I had just betrayed my people, and I knew there was not a thing I could do about it. I had fallen in love with my enemy, but I did not care. I only wanted his love, which I knew I would most likely never have. I watched as he showered, tended to his fur, and finally proceeded to lie down. He pulled the soft blankets over himself, and lied down to rest. I felt his hands closing around the corner of a pillow, holding tightly onto it. His body started shaking violently, and a strangled breath escaped his nostrils. He was crying I realized, and waves of anguish and despair radiated from him. I did my best to comfort him. I sent him pleasant emotions, replayed calming memories, I talked, nothing helped. In the end he was completely worn out, and silently cried himself to sleep. I felt guilty, more so than ever before. And I vowed to make him happy, happier than he could ever be with his fellow andalites. _

_**End flashback:**_

I had caused him more pain than anyone else; there was no doubt about this. And yet I found myself unable to leave my selfishness behind, and do what was the best for him. Perhaps he was better off free? I silently hoped not, although I knew that he was most likely giddy with pleasure at having escaped. What should I do? It would be best for me to have him her, to take care of him and keep him safe. But it was not the best for him. With a sight I lied down on the human bed in my new quarters, and for the second time in my life I cried.


	5. Killing yourself to live

**Authors note: Okay, another chapter is now finished. And btw, MATURE CONTENT WARNING! It is not really that bad, but this story is rated M for a reason. The whole chapter is from Alloran's POV, and most of it is a continuation of the flashback in the previous chapter. Enjoy!!!**

**Please review by the way, next update will be up the moment I have 3 reviews;)**

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**Metamorphstorm: Thank you so much for a lovely review! I am delighted that you liked the chapter, and I do agree with you! Even I find myself unable to feel sorry for V3, despite the way I have portrayed him in this story. Thanks again!!!!:D**

**Mylina: Thank you so much for another review!!! Great that you liked the chapter, and yes, you have a point, V3 is an idiot;)**

**X: Thanks a lot for a very insightful review,**** I completely agree with you, V3 is a little out of character, quite a lot come to think of it. I have been slightly worried about this aspect of the story, so I am relieved that you think it works!!! Thanks again:D **

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**Chapter 5: ****Killing yourself to live **

**Alloran's POV: **

I felt the V12 engine awake with a powerful hum, unleashing the savage power of the Fiorano 599. The sound was wonderful, and I testily teased the throttle, receiving an agitated roar from the car. With its 612 break horsepower it was the most powerful series production Ferrari road car, ever made. It had taken me some time to figure out how it worked, but of course my superior intelligence had solved this problem. Come to think of it I quite liked the experience of driving a car. Especially the Ferrari. It was wild, noisy and difficult to control, and it was the sexiest machine I had ever encountered. I thought of it as untamed, as a beast which you had to compromise with in order to make it work. And when you put in the effort, boy did you get rewarded! With that I set off, from zero to a 100km an hour in 3,7 seconds. Now, when you fly a fighter this may seem as nothing. When you are in a human car on the other hand, with no roof , it is quite a different experience. The Ferrari shot forward, the engine raging like a true speed monster. The acceleration threw my body backwards, and pressed it down in the seat. I could hear the wind thundering in my ears, and my human hair was lying flat against my head. My new friend, Lisa, laughed excitedly as I pressed the Ferrari to its limits, literally leaving the other cars on the highway behind in a cloud of dust.

"Alloran you are crazy", Lisa cried, the wind making it almost impossible for me to grasp her words. Then again she was smiling so I assumed she was meaning crazy as in a positive manner. After befriending her that fateful day in the forest I had gotten better at understanding of human communication. I was happier too come to think of it. Her more or less constant presence had eased my loneliness and depression, and when she moved in to my scoop, I had been more delighted than annoyed. Another andalite might have considered this as an invasion of privacy, but after being a controller I had gotten a much deeper understanding of what an invasion of privacy really was. Lisa's presence was nothing. As it turned out she was an orphan, and she seemed to prefer living with me as opposed to living on the street, which was understandable. She was too old to be the responsibility of the state, and so she was left to fend for herself. In her I had found company and understanding, and in me she had found security, friendship and a place to live. We needed each other; it was as simple as that.

During the last months I had gradually recovered from being infested by Visser 15, and I had come to realize that he had not been the regular yeerk, at least not regarding me. He had never really tortured me, he had allowed me to mock and scream at him, he had given me control whenever we where alone, and come to think of it he had seemed genuinely hurt when I lashed out at him. During my infestation I had rarely pondered this somewhat strange behavior, I had been to preoccupied with hating him, but now when I thought about it, I found it to be strange, very strange actually. I had seen from his memory how he more or less destroyed the mind of his previous hosts, leaving them defeated and silent, obedient. He had never even considered doing such a thing with me, which now confused me. There was no doubt in my mind that I would never shatter as easily as a human or a hork-bajir, but that being said, I also knew with certainty that I would have broken in the end. For some reason he had treated me differently, and I could not help but wonder why. Esplin 9466 was by no means a soft hearted yeerk, this he himself had stated on several occasions. He was ruthless, gruesome and he lacked sympathy. In other words; he was a terrible creature. I loathed him, and this was something I did not at all attempt to conceal, yet he never punished me, he was just hurt.

When I lied down to sleep that evening my thoughts drifted off to him again, and I continued to wonder why he had acted as he did. Old memories resurfaced, and I drifted off to sleep, remembering the beginning of my terrible captivity as if it had just happened.

_**Flashback: **_

_When I opened my eyes the morning after being infested, my first thought was that it had to be a dream, a horrible nightmare. This could not have happened, it simply could not. Sadly it was no dream, rather a real life nightmare. "Good morning Alloran", the yeerk greeted me, reminding me where I was, and what situation I was in. I did not answer, I merely kept silent, wondering how much longer he wo__uld allow me to keep control. A wave of anguish surged through me, the realization that my body did no longer belong to me hitting like a bucked of icy water. I wanted to scream, I wanted to kill something, someone, I wanted to slice the evil slug in my head to pieces, and then vaporize it with my shredder. "Have you slept well?" the yeerk asked me, and felt my despair slowly being replaced by a blinding rage. "SHUT UP", I bellowed at it. "Shut up and leave me alone, get out of my head you worthless piece of shit". For a brief moment he was completely silent, then he sent me a calming image, or at least I suspected it was supposed to calm me. Needless to say it did not, and in one last attempt at getting rid of my problems I lashed out with my tail, aiming for my own throat. He reacted immediately, and before I had the time to even think of resisting he had taken control. He was shocked by my behavior I realized, but this did not really interest me. Once again I was reduced to an observer, looking through eyes that where no longer mine. And so I screamed for what felt like forever, consumed by an undercurrent of despair, anger and sorrow._

_I screamed until my mind was more or less exhausted, and when I finally fell silent it was already noon. The yeerk was relieved, this I sensed immediately, and my anger returned in a flash, although I was now too tired to put up much of a fight. I wanted him to suffer; I wanted to hurt him, or at least to make him angry and irritated. Despite my efforts this seemed to be almost impossible, I could hurt him, but he was never angry or irritated. His sadness made me feel bad, at least to a certain extent, and thus inspired me to try and anger him, in order to forget my misplaced sympathy. In the end I gave up, and fell completely silent, withdrawing to some distant corner of my own mind where I could pretend he was no longer there. It took some time before I realized that he had given me control, and I felt surprise surge through me when I discovered that I was once again in charge of my own body. This time I did not try anything, what had happened earlier had made it clear that there was no use, so instead I tried to cherish my temporary freedom. Meanwhile he was observing me, and knowing that every thought that popped up in my head was visible to him, was devastating. Yet I tried to ignore him and looked around, gazing emptily at the bridge crew performing their tasks. I noticed that there was humans amongst them, and watched with interest. Of course I had seen them the day before, when I was captured, but naturally they had not been the most important thing on my mind. Now I was curious, and allowed myself to forget the presence of Visser 15 for a few moments. _

_There where four of them on the bridge at the moment, and I noticed that they where distinctly different in shape and size. Two where quite tall, and seemed more aggressive than the others, and then there was the third who had a huge lump in the middle of his body, and seemed quite clumsy. The last one was distinctly different from the other three, and I tilted my head to the side, watching it. This one was smaller and slimmer than the other ones, and I immediately concluded that it had to be a female. Compared to the other ones it was actually quite pretty, with a slender, feminine body, and hazel eyes. It also had long yellow hair, which I found quite exotic. I was surprised that they had allowed a female aboard the ship, but then again yeerks where stupid and crude creatures, so It should not really have surprised me. Even considering such a thing was unheard of in the andalite military, and come to think of it this was understandable. Being the lone female on a battle ship for example would most likely result in both rape and sexual harassment. Then again females are considered to be inferior in our society, and it was unlikely at best that one would ever be allowed to join the academy. I wondered if I would ever be able to be close to one again, to feel the smooth feminine curves of a female in heat, to mate with her, to feel her body underneath my own again. I was too young to be married, but I had always been good with females, and thus I had more experience than most male my age. In a way It had been better if I had not, this way I would not miss it. Now I did, and I felt the despair awaken once again, eating away at my mind, reminding me that I would never be married, never have children, never have my own scoop. _

"_This mating procedure is important to you?" The yeerk asked me after a while, curiosity evident in his tone. I did not know how to respond. What should I say? Sex and lust was something private, and definitely not something I wished to discuss with my new master. I sensed that he was fascinated by my apparent longing, and this just made me feel worse. When I did not answer him he moved in my mind, looking through my memories. He had not done this before, only when he wanted to know my name. Another invasion of privacy I reflected bitterly, knowing that there was nothing I could do. I briefly considered fighting and screaming, but then he would most likely snatch control away from me again, and I cherished this more than privacy after all. He found what he was looking for quite quickly, and I resisted the urge to cry out in despair when he replayed the memory. It was before I had left for the mission that had sent me into the hands of the yeerks, and his interference made it clearer and more detailed than I could remember. It felt as if it had just happened, and I literally felt my fingers slide through her fur down to her hindquarters. Her smell was sweet and intoxicating, and the feeling that surged through me when I mounted her was indescribable. Warm waves of pleasure surged through me as I moved, and her thought speak moans made eager and aroused. "Stop", I begged the yeerk. "Just stop, leave me alone!" I did not expect him to respond or to obey me, but he did, and relief flowed through me as the memory disappeared. It was still there of course, but at least now I would not have to think about it. _

"_I am sorry, I did not want to make you uncomfortable", the yeerk calmly said, making me angry yet again. This time however the anger soon disappeared, and was replaced by deep depression. "When we win this war you can have as many females as you want", the yeerk continued, catching me completely off guard. Normally I would not directly address or answer it, unless I wanted to offend it, but abashed by its words I completely forgot this. "You will not win this war", I sneered angrily. "And I would never do such a thing with a captured female you SCUM!" He seemed puzzled by this, and interested too I noticed. "But you seem to get a lot of physical pleasure out of this mating procedure; I see no reason to be so hard on yourself. You are male; it is what you are designed to do". I did not know if I should be angry, embarrassed or offended. He made me feel like I was some kind of wild animal, unable to control myself and my urges. "I did not mean it that way", he then said. "I merely do not understand what is so wrong with acting as you are supposed to". I found myself unable to ignore him, and growled with fury at his remark. "I am not supposed to run around and jump on every female I see", I snapped. "And besides it is not as if I really need a female to get satisfaction". I regretted my words the moment my mind formed them, and I felt a flare of immediate interest from the yeerk. "How so?" it asked, clearly curious. I cursed myself and my temper, and tried to prepare for another round of humiliating conversation. _


	6. The dead don't suffer

**Authors note: Here we go, chapter 6:) I have planned out this story quite precicely now, and for the next few chapters I will explore Alloran's time as a controller until the conclusion comes in the present time. Then again you should remember that this story is set in an alternative universe, so anything can happen;)**

**I have already written the next chapter, and when I have 3 reviews for this one I will submit it. Enjoy;)**

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**Metamorphstorm: thank you so much for a wonderful review!!! I am delighted that you liked the chapter and i completely agree with you, Alloran really is a very intriguing character. Although this one is not from his POV I hope you will enjoy it, and feel free to give suggestions and advice. I assure you that the next chapter will be from Alloran's POV again:D thanks again!!!!**

**X: Thanks a lot for another lovely review:)I am delighted that you liked the chapter, and i hope you will enjoy this one too. I have to admit that I prefer to write Alloran, but hey, I can't forget V3 either;D Thanks again!!!!**

**Mylina: Great that you enjoyed the chapter, and thank you so much for yet another great review!!!!! Yea, i could not resist adding that part, although I am not completely sure how succesful it was. Anyway, thanks a lot!!!! **

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**Chapter 6:**** The dead don't suffer**

**Esplin 9466's POV:**

**Continuation of flashback from chapter 5:**

_It surprised me that a creature could get so much pleasure out of reproducing. Alloran's memories made it clear that most males engaged in this activity because of the satisfaction it gave, rather than because they wanted to reproduce.__ As a yeerk this was difficult for me to comprehend, while we reproduce in a completely different manner. When a yeerk reproduces it will melt together with two other yeerks, and then this mangled mess of bodies will start splitting up into grubs. Each grub will then become one or two yeerks. I was one of the latter ones, and so I had a twin, I was of course the prime, the most skilled one. My twin was to be honest quite stupid, and despite my attempts at giving him a good life he seemed to constantly mess up everything. Anyway, needless to say it is a very painful procedure and of course the parents die, which was the main reason for my lack of interest in becoming a parent. As a yeerk I did not have a gender either, and I found it fascinating how Alloran's perception of things was influenced by the differences between males and females. Of course there were a high number of physical differences between a male and a female, at least for andalites. The females where smaller and weaker, with short tail blades, slender built. They where also calmer and more docile, not so competitive, and generally more diplomatic and caring. The males on the other hand, where the exact opposite. They where strong and aggressive, and in my opinion far more interesting and stunning to look at. There was something about the masculine and powerful beauty of an andalite male that I found very appealing. Alloran in particular evoked emotions in me that I had not experienced before. I was shocked when I discovered that what I felt seemed disturbingly close to desire and longing. Well, I did love him so I guess it was only natural. _

_After thinking it over I immediately decided that if I had faced the choice I would have chosen Alloran over any female. They might be easier to control, but I had already decided that I preferred the aggressive and challenging nature of a male, Alloran in particular. I also found it interesting that he seemed rather embarrassed talking about such things as sex and reproduction, but I was now too interested to let it go. "A female is not required for you to experience this pleasure?" I asked him, my curiosity perked. He was now completely silent, refusing to answer my question. I knew that he hated it when I looked through his memories or pried on his thoughts, but this was simply too intriguing to forget. The intense pleasure I had seen in his memory had caught me completely off guard. Never before had I encountered such an intense emotion. Of course my previous hosts had similar memories, but they where not as intense as this, and besides I found it difficult to see what was beautiful in two taxoons mating for example. Two andalites on the other hand, that was something completely different. With badly hidden excitement I shuffled gently through his memories, trying to avoid anything that might upset him. I sighted with a combination of sadness and helplessness at his thoughts, which clearly told me that my mere presence was more than enough to upset him beyond recognition. I found what I was looking for relatively quickly, and felt a wave of rage and embarrassment surging through his mind as I watched the memory. _

_I found it both amusing and interesting that a male would be able to satisfy himself in such a way, it was kind of beautiful too, come to think of it. What I however did understand even better was why he got so much pleasure out of mating. It was a necessary consequence of evolution, ensuring the survival of the species. Naturally a male would be more eager to mate if he got pleasure out of it, which I completely understood. Alloran was now more silent than ever, but I could tell from his thoughts that this was mostly due to embarrassment and humiliation. Apparently such things where taboo among andalites, and discussing it with me made him uncomfortable. Then again there was not much discussing either. He refused to communicate with me unless he was desperate or wished to anger and hurt me, which made the conversation pretty one-sided. Then again I enjoyed prying on his thoughts, the memories I had decided to look through when he was sleeping, while this seemed to upset him. It was a completely new experience for me, inhabiting a mind that was as complex and intelligent as Alloran's. In my previous host, a hork-bajir, there was not much interesting to explore. They where barely able to form coherent sentences, and to have a conversation with one, well; I guess a brick wall would be a good comparison. Alloran on the other hand was brilliant. He had a sharp and analytical mind, and his thoughts and feelings where so complex, so difficult to interpret and understand. If I said something I would immediately get an intelligent and sharp response, although he never directly addressed me. He was curious too I noticed, although his interests where far more complicated than what I had previously encountered. _

_While my previous hork-bajir host struggled to comprehend what a dracon beam was, Alloran would wonder how the equations behind our improved dracon technology where constructed, or how a human mind worked, and a lot of other complex things. Then there was also the philosophical part of him, who asked questions like; "What is the meaning of life? Who am I? What happens after death?" I was intrigued by his insight, and also by his pondering and how he mercilessly pulled every fact apart, arguing with himself over what was right and what was wrong. His perception of my subordinates and their behavior was also very interesting, and I found it useful as well. He figured them out the moment he laid eyes on them, which was something I had never been able to do. Of course he did not like it when I used his observations to my advantage. But, then again I had access to all his thoughts and emotions, and I knew that deep down he liked the fact that he could figure us out so easily. In his mind this proved that yeerks where crude and simple beings, that we where inferior. Despite the fact that his imprisonment suggested otherwise, I did not address the issue, afraid of upsetting him I tried to avoid any topic that he would find humiliating. This had proved to be difficult, but I tried nevertheless. _

_Alloran was relaxing, enjoying having control of his body for a while. Despite his frustration over my invasion of his privacy, he was much calmer than he had been in the morning. He was standing with his arms crossed and main eyes closed, chin resting on his chest. Occasionally he would twitch his tail with a soft whoosh, while his stalks constantly swiped the bridge, keeping an eye on everyone and everything present. "We are headed for a proper feeding ground", I informed him, making sure to keep my voice soft and calming. After his screaming and cursing earlier that morning, I did everything I could to avoid repeating the experience. His despair and anger was so heartbreaking that I wanted to cry myself, and then there was the issue of him getting completely exhausted by it. I had also discovered that if I was not careful, I would lose control. One small slip, that was all he needed, and then he would strike. It did not bother me to give him control; actually I wanted him to be in control, while this seemed to ease his despair somewhat. No, the problem was that should I lose control in an important meeting, or in battle, there would be consequences. Unpleasant consequences. I gently resumed control of his body, and after a brief struggle and some rather unpleasant remarks at my expense he gave up, and fell silent. _

_I gave him control again as soon as we had exited the ship, and he tentatively set foot on unfamiliar grassland. Hork-bajir storm troopers had secured the area, and made sure that it was safe for us to proceed. He testily rubbed the grass underneath hid hooves, and I observed him with amusement as he decided that it was a bad spot. Instead he strolled casually out on the meadow, circling it until he had determined that the grass on the northern side was better. I loved him, I really did, and despite my attempts at concealing my strong feelings I found this almost impossible. He was happy I realized, or at least this was the happiest he had been since I had infested him. He grassed for a while, and when he was no longer hungry he ran. He ran and ran, for several hours actually, pushing his body to its limits. He jumped fallen logs, he bucked and reared, and threw his body up in the air, left and right, in a show of immense speed, strength and agility. He sharpened his tail blade on the trees, and spent quite a lot of time sparring and practicing his tail fighting skills. I allowed him to go on like this for the rest of the day, neglecting my other duties so that he could be happy for a while. It made me feel incredibly guilty when I had to inform him that it was necessary for us to go back, and not surprisingly he fought me. After a quite long struggle I was able to gain complete control again, and trotted slowly back to the ship. _

_I allowed him to have control the moment we arrived in our quarters, and smiled inwardly at his surprise over our improved living space. All floors where now cowered in luscious green earth grass, there was a waterfall in one corner, and finally he had gotten a bed which was properly shaped and constructed so that he would sleep comfortably. The refresher was much bigger, and the walls and ceiling was tainted an inviting light blue, so that his claustrophobia would not be so apparent. Connected to the main room was also a training facility, so that he would be able to keep in shape. "Is this suitable for you?" I asked him, smiling slightly. "If there is anything you want that is missing just name it, and I will make sure to have it installed". He sagged, his shoulders slumping and his tail dropping to he ground. He did not address me, but I saw his thoughts clearly. "I want to die". That was what he wanted, death rather than living on as a controller. It shocked me, it really did. The fact that he would rather chose death than being my host was greatly unsettling. "Alloran", I said quietly. "I will give you anything you want with the exception of freedom or death. Is there not anything you desire? I would give you the world if it meant that you would be happy!" And then, for the first time since his infestation, he addressed me without saying anything offensive. "You have ruined my life", he said bitterly, defeat evident in his tone. "I have nothing left, no privacy, no choices; my life will be a waste, because it does no longer belong to me. I would rather die than to face the future as an observer, dreaming of something I can never have". _

_At that moment I just wanted to cry, I honestly did. I loved him, and yet I caused him greater pain than anyone else. But what could I do? I knew in my heart that I could not let him go. To do such a thing would ruin me completely. I was a selfish creature, no doubt, and despite this knowledge I did not care. As long as he was mine everything would be okay, and I would make him happy, it was possible, he just needed time. "Is it not a little harsh?" I asked him. "Surely death is not the only choice. I will give you both control and privacy, I can give you luxury, love, anything you desire, why is this life so much worse than having nothing?" For a brief moment he was silent, and then he spoke up, making a point that put me at a loss of words. "The dead don't suffer". _


	7. Wasted years

**Authors note: Here we go again, another chapter, the ending is quite depressive just so you know. In chapter 8 you will see Visser 15s reaction to what happened. Btw my spelling program stopped functioning so there might be some mistakes. **

**Next chapter will be up when I have 3 rewivs for this chapter;) Enjoy!!!!**

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**Metamorphstorm: Thank you so much for yet another great rewiev:) Great that you liked the way I wrote V3, I was a little unsure about this part. Anyway, don't hesitate to point out flaws in the story. should you have any ideas for the next chapters, please tell me:D!!!! Thanks again!!!!!**

**Mylina: Thanks a lot for the rewiev!!! I am delighted that you like this story, and please don't be afraid to point out mistakes!!!! Thanks again:D**

**X: Thank you so much for rewiewing my story, I am delighted that you liked the chapter, and as you pointed out the last remark was perhaps a little too heartbreaking. Anyway, thanks a lot!!!!!:D**

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**Chapter 7: Wasted years**

**Continuation of flashback from chapter 6**

**Alloran's POV**

_Finally the da__y was here, the day I had started looking forward to the moment I was infested. In about 6 hours Visser 15 was scheduled to feed. This meant that I would have a mere hour on my own, where I did not have to endure his constant presence in my mind. For a precious 60 minutes I would have my privacy. Of course he would probably look through my memories afterwards, to se what I had thought off, but nevertheless, privacy was privacy. The best thing however, was that this made it possible for me to escape. Naturally they would restrain and drug me, but it was worth a try at least. I had tried not to think about this aspect of my temporary freedom from the yeerk, not wanting to reveal any ideas I might get to him. Then again he was now watching every thought that popped up in my head closely, preparing to take precautions against a possible escape attempt. I felt hatred and fury surge through me at the thought. He had no right, no right! My mind was like an open book to him, he just had to open it and flap through the pages to find what he was looking for. Not for the first time I wished this imaginary book was empty, then there would not be anything for him to look at. _

_It was morning and I was resting on my side, not yet ready to get up. As usual he had given me control when we arrived in our quarters the evening before, allowing me to prepare for sleep myself. Come to think of it he actually gave me control whenever he could, the exceptions being when he was afraid I would try something, or when he was working. I was unsure on how I should respond this….kindness. There was no doubt in my mind that this was not how the regular yeerk would behave, and it confused me somewhat. Then there was all his suggestive comments, which I also struggled to understand completely. He constantly rambled about how he would make me happy, how he would give me everything I wanted and so on. Perhaps he thought this would make me easier to control, I did not know, what however did know what that I had absolutely no intentions of making things easy for him. "You should get up, it is getting late", the yeerk addressed me. I felt annoyance fill me when I realised that he thought it was funny that was not really a morning person. __And therefore I decided that it was about time to create some problems for him again. With a yawn I pulled the soft rugs over my body again and curled up to sleep. "Alloran? Please!" His voice had a desperate ring to it, but I ignored him. The previous morning I had done just the same, refusing to get up, and he had arrived late for an important meeting. _

_After some time he managed to force me up__, but although it had exhausted me I was pleased to note that we arrived 45 minutes late. "Visser 15, is there any reason why you are late?" A human controller addressed him, her dark brown curls bouncing up and down in a ridiculous manner. It was a private meeting, and thus she was the only one present. "I overslept Visser 1, I am very sorry for the inconvenience", the yeerk answered, embarrassed. "What? Are you not brave enough to tell her that you can't control your host", I sneered at him, pleased with myself. "Alloran, please", he begged, and I felt warm waves of deep satisfaction flow through me. "Better hurry to the pool scum, before your life gets even more unpleasant". Before he had the time to answer me Visser 1 spoke up again, a little less irritated than before. "I called this meeting to see how you are handling your new host. Is there any problems?" Visser 15 was silent for while, trying to come up with a sensible response. He seemed very concentrated, and so I exploited the moment. I was not able to take control of my body, he was very afraid that I would try and attack Visser 1 and thus very focused on it. He was however, not prepared for a verbal attack. _

"_Yes, he has problems, mental problems", I said. That was all the time I got before he suppressed me, but I had proved my point. "Alloran, please, why are you doing this to me?" he whined, clearly upset. Fury and sorrow surged through me at his words. Partly because he had no right what so ever to complain, and also because of the fact that this pathetic exchange of words was all the firepower I had. Visser 1s human face took on an expression of what I presumed to be a combination of amusement and surprise, and she crossed her arms with a smirk. "I assume that was your host", she stated, eying us with interest. "Yes, I am afraid he is rather strong minded", Visser 15 said uncomfortably, twitching my tail. "And very angry", he added, referring to my silent fuming over his presence. The Visser nodded her head and crossed her arms. "Yes, I bet it is quite a transition from hork-bajir to andalite. But, then again it must be quite entertaining, having such an advanced mind to play with". Visser 15 waved my stalks at her, and despite my efforts and screaming he managed to contort my face into a somewhat inviting expression. "Yes, he is indeed a very admirable creature", he then said. Visser 1 raised her eyebrows at him, and I got the impression that he might have said something inappropriate. "Well", she then said. "I wish you luck with controlling your host, and then I will see you at the Visser's meeting in a few months". With that she turned around, leaving the room. _

"_That was unnecessary", the yeerk said to me, still embarrassed. I ignored him, after all I had no intensions of talking to him, he was under my league. Never before in my 24 years of life had I hated someone the way I hated him. And ironically enough I was forced to spend every second of the day with him, with he exception of that one hour every three days. He had no right to complain, and the fact that he did made me angry beyond recognition. My freedom was stolen from me, my whole life, my dreams, my career, he had taken everything, even my thoughts and my body belonged to him. He had no right, no fucking right to even think about complaining. I was the one that was living in my own terrible nightmare, the one that had lost everything, and it was his fault. Terrorising him was the only freedom I had left. The mere fact that I was reduced to view this as freedom was pitiful too, the most pathetic attempt at attacking an enemy, reduced to throwing meaningless offences at him, it was idiotic. And, yet I continued, because it was the only thing I could do. "Alloran I am sorry, you are completely right, I should never have complained", the yeerk suddenly said, cathing me completely off guard. Yet again his words angered me to such and extent that I found myself unable to let it go. "Shut up scum, just shut up, I dont want't to talk with you, I HATE YOU!", I growled at him, sensing that I had hurt him, but i did not care, he meant nothing. I did not want his sympathy, I did not want his praise, I just wanted him gone. "Alloran, I do not mean to hurt you, I want you to be happy, why won't you at least talk to me, then you would not feel so alone", Visser 15 said, and despair surged through me at his remark. He knew me I realized, knew all my worries and despair, he knew exactly how I felt, and yet he did not understand anything. " I understand more than you give me credit for Alloran". As usualy he adressed me with my name, whi__ch I hated more than anything else. He acted as if we where friends, or even lovers, and I did not even wish to think about such a thing. _

_"Come on, you should give it a try, I think we can have many interesting conversations", he said, sounding eager and exited. He seemed to think that I might give in, and perhaps I was. In my extreme loneliness there was no one else to communicate with, and I knew deep down that I could not go on forever without talking to someone. However this was not something I wanted him to know, but he did, which frustrated me beyond belief. "I fail to see what is interesting in having a conversation when you can forsee my every argument", I finally snapped at him, tired and depressed by my situation. Reduced to making conversation with a yeerk to avoid going craxy from isoltation, not something to be proud off. My family would have been ashamed, they probably were already I reflected, knowing that my infestation had most likely put them in disgrace. Even if I was able to return someday I would be shunned, disgraced by something I could not control. "I don't have to see your thoughts while we talk you know, if you where willing to communicate with me I could give you more privacy", the yeerk said, interupting my broodings. "I did not mean to ruin your life either Alloran", he continued, sounding genuinely sorry. "It is a little late for that yeerk", I sneered, but my tone lacked the previous agression. I was just depressed, sad and helpless in a world that had not been good to me lately. I was 24 years old, not even old enough to marry, and the remaining 250 years of my life would most likely be spent here, as a slave. All my life would be wasted, and that was when I decided that I did not wish to live any more. It was not even a life, only a shadow of what I was supposed to have, of what could have been mine, had fate been on my side. The yeerk left me alone then, allowed to me to withdraw to a distant corner of my own mind, one where he could not see my thoughts. _

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_"Stun him, we can't give him any opportunity to escape", the yeerk said, adressing the hork-bajir guards. "If he is hurt when I return you will all lose your heads", he then added, gazing pointedly at every single one of them. " Do not try anything stupid Alloran", he said to me. You will just hurt yourself". I did not answer to that, I merely waited, anxious to see if I would be able to get away. Deep down I knew I would not, but it would not hurt trying. I struck the moment he gave up control, lashing out at the closest hork-bajir. Tailfighting was my spesiality, but despite this I only managed to kill two before they stunned me. What however made feel good, was the cheers from the other hosts. They where klapping and screaming on my behalf, banging their fists on the cage walls. It was a meager comfort, but it was better than nothing. I was restrained and forced to lie down inside a rammonite box. My tail was covered in a sheet, my hands bound behind my back, while my legs where chained to the floor so that I would not be able to stand. Then they drugged me, so that my body felt heavy and tired, too tired to morph. Then again this was not what bothered me the most. No, the worst part was that everyone could see me. The walls of the rammonite box where transparent, and a small crowd of interested controllers had gathered around my prison, watching me with awe. Some merely stared, while others tried to provoke me with rude or suggestive comments. And there was not a thing I could do about it. I refused to dignyfie their remarks with any form of response, instead I just lied there, hepless and humiliated, desperately trying to remember a better time. A time where there was no war, and when I was happy. _


	8. Dream on

**Authors note: Hope you will like the chapter, it is quite long, but then again that is normally not a bad thing;)**

**Next chapter will be up when I have ****3 reviews for this chapter****:D Enjoy!**

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**Metamorphstorm: Thank you so much for a great review!!!! I am delighted that you liked the chapter, and I am so sorry for the spelling errors. There is something wrong with my spelling program, which has caused quite some problems;) Anyway, hope you like this chapter, and do not hesitate to give constructive criticism. Thanks again!!!!!:D**

**Mylina: Thank you so much for your nice words, and fore the review!!! Hope you will like the chapter, thanks again:D**

**X: Thanks a lot for the review!!!! Should you see any mistakes, please point them out, I need advice!!!!! Thanks again for following up this story, and I am delighted that you liked the chapter:D:D!!!! **

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**Chapter 8:**** Dream on**

**Continuation of flashback from chapter 7**

**Esplin 9466s POV**

_I stayed in the pool for almost two hours. Not because I wanted too, but because I thought Alloran might be in a better mood if I left him alone for a little longer. He had looked forward to having some time on his own for the last two days, so I figured I should grant him some extra. As it turned out this had been a grave mistake on my part. I entered his ear with excitement, and felt waves of pleasure run through me as I connected with his mind. What met me was, on the other hand, not so pleasant. He lashed out at me the moment I tried to take control, and for a short time I was genuinely afraid that I would not be able to resume it. Then I finally suppressed him, and turned around, headed for our quarters. Alloran had now fallen completely silent, and I felt despair and humiliation radiate from him. Something was wrong, he was always depressed and angry, but it was stronger than usual which suggested that something had happened. __"Alloran?" I hesitantly said. "Is everything okay?" I felt him fume at the question, but I did not get any answer. He was deliberately thinking of something else, so that I could not tell from his thoughts, and he refused to talk to me. With a sight I started shuffling through his most resent memories, trying to find out what was bothering him. I soon enough discovered the reason behind his bad mood, and felt my anger rising. With that I abruptly turned around, headed for the pool area. _

_I killed them all without hesitation. The hork-bajirs that had restrained and bound him, the idiot that had let the high frequency light on so that the rammonite box remained transparent, and of course I disposed of the controllers that had bothered my love with offensive remarks and staring. Alloran seemed puzzled, but also relatively pleased with my behavior, and his mood improved considerably when I allowed him to kill a couple of the worst offenders with his tail. He was uncharacteristically obedient afterwards, and although I knew he would never admit it in a million years, he was a little touched by my possessiveness. We entered our quarters moments later, and I gave him control, politely asking if he could turn on my computer and see if there where any messages. His harsh reply confirmed my suspicion, that his gratitude only went that far. This resulted in another struggle of wills, and after about ten minutes I emerged victorious, and headed for the computer. "You have a very strong mind Alloran", I said after a while, trying to start a conversation. "I have never had a host who almost manage to suppress my control". I had now given him complete privacy, and all I could sense was his feelings. They where complicated as always, and I felt the familiar rush of excitement. To understand him was difficult because his mind was so complex. "Are you comparing me with a hork-bajir?" He asked me after a while, a dangerous edge to his voice. I laughed out load in thought speak, slightly amused at how he always managed to turn my comments in to offenses. "It was a compliment Alloran", I said, feeling another rush of puzzlement surge through him. _

"_I don't want your compliments", he answered gruffly, annoyed at my amusement. "Why not? I asked, curious by his somewhat strange logic. He was silent for a while, contemplating my question. His answer surprised me, and it took all my self control not to invade his privacy to see what he meant. "It is humiliating", he said, and I felt another wave of conflicted emotions radiating from him. "Well, I am afraid I will not stop giving them", I then said. "Such a magnificent creature deserves all the compliments in the world". I moved in his mind, triggering feelings of relaxation and contentment. "Stop it", he growled, lashing out at me and trying to suppress my rule. "I am merely trying to make you comfortable", I said, continuing to manipulate his mind. In the end I discovered that this was completely useless, while his anger destroyed the effect completely. "What is that?" He suddenly asked me, eyes fixed on the computer screen. I averted my attention away from him, and stared with confusion at what he was referring to. It was a new message, anonymous, and the top was filled with pink hearts. The both of us where silent for a few moments, and then he started laughing. It was a wonderful sound, and I realized that it was the first time I had heard him laugh. His amusement was the closest to happiness I had ever experienced him, and this made me content beyond recognizing. That was until he decided to enlighten me as to what was so funny. "You have gotten a love letter! Hahaha…a love letter, for you? Unbelievable!" _

_I watched the pink hearts with annoyance and embarrassment, realizing that he was right, what else could it be? I scrolled down the page, quickly reading its content, and felt amusement fill me. "Actually", I said, genuinely amused. "It is for you". His laughter stopped abruptly, and he reverted his attention to the computer, sending it a venomous gaze. "Alloran! Your eyes are like rubies, your fur shines like the finest silk", I read out aloud, feeling a flare of irritation erupt from his mind. "Shut up slug!" He sneered at me, trying to hide his embarrassment over the letter. I merely laughed at that, knowing that he knew there was not much he could do. "My, my, are you embarrassed?" I teased, still immensely amused with the whole thing. He fumed silently at my remark, but then he spoke up, silencing me. "That is the nicest compliment I have ever received", he said snidely, his tone having a superior edge to it. Now it was my turn to be irritated, and I felt a wave of….jealousy? Was that it? Had his comment made me jealous? Yes, it most definitely had I decided, trying, but failing miserably at suppressing it. "Something wrong Visser", Alloran sneered at me. "Are you perhaps….jealous?" I felt his satisfaction over this discovery, and realized that his intelligence had a downside. He was far too observant, which made it difficult for me to hide things from him. "Very well", I said, deciding to be at least partly honest with him. "You are the most beautiful creature in this entire universe", I said, pretty confident that I had now outshined his other admirer. "You really are a strange yeerk", he then stated, freaked out. _

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_Later that night, when he had prepared for sleep and was curled up in our bed, I allowed myself to relax completely. He was sound asleep, which meant there would not be any attempts at fighting me. Of course I allowed him to have control as often as possible, but I did not by any means trust him. He was aggressive and unpredictable, but he was also very intelligent. I was positive that a weaker minded yeerk than me would have been completely crushed within hours. He was manipulating and ruthless, and he had an annoying habit of picking up on ones insecurities, and attacking accordingly. The thought made me smile, after all his personality was one of my main reasons for loving him so much. I sent him a wave of pleasant feelings, and he shifted in his sleep, sighting comfortably. He was dreaming, and I was definitely a fascinated observer. Like most males his age he was literally a hormone bomb, and not surprisingly he was dreaming of females. Then again I could not help but notice that he had quite the imagination, and his dreams where actually very entertaining. In my previous hork-bajir host I would also watch its dreams, but they where not very interesting. For most of the time they evolved around how he would give a female hork-bajir a flower, and then she would press her claws against his forehead. It was ridiculous in its simplicity, and thus I found myself fascinated by Alloran's somewhat strange dreams. _

_I watched with interest as he attempted to mount a female in his dream, but before I had the time to admire the sight the dream changed drastically. Suddenly he was in a wide area that resembled a yeerk pool, he was being held tightly by hork-bajir warriors, and his tail was secured in a sheet. It was a nightmare I realized, a terrible one too come to think of it. The Alloran in the dream screamed and cursed as he was being forcefully dragged down to the edge of the pool, and I could feel anger and despair surge through him. The dream was so real, it felt as if I was observing something that was happening for real. By now Alloran had started sweating, and he was kicking his hooves agitatedly, rolling from left too right, his heart rate had also increased considerably, and I was slightly worried. As he was dragged closer too the pool, he started screaming and crying in thought speak. "NO, please, don't do this to me, let me go!" I was devastated, the dream was truly terrible, and I knew that the reason why it had turned out this way was me. "Alloran", I whispered gently. There was no reaction, only wild thrashing and screaming. "Alloran!" I finally bellowed, this time waking him up. He abruptly got up, shivering from fear and stress. I could feel his heart pound like a machine gun, and his fur was dense with sweat. "Are you okay?" I asked him gently, relived that he was not dreaming anymore. A small part of me was also relieved that I had not seen how the dream ended. _

"_Leave me alone", he sneered, but his voice was shaky and I sensed that he was upset. "It was just a nightmare Alloran, nothing to worry about", I said, trying to comfort him. "JUST A NIGHTMARE?" He exploded, anger and stress radiating from him. "I am LIVING my own nightmare you fool! That dream is no different from what I experience on a daily basis". The last remark was said in a low voice, but the bitterness in his tone was unmistakable. I did not know what to say, was there really any way I could make him feel better? "Alloran I am sorry", I said desperately. "I did not mean for you to feel this way!" I felt him sag, and then he lied down again, exhausted. "Just shut up", he whispered, on the verge of crying. I saw from his thoughts that he was both sad, angry and humiliated. Sad that he did no longer have a life worth living, angry because there was nothing he could do, and humiliated because I could see his every thought, his every dream, and because I knew what he felt. With that I pulled away from him a little, giving him more privacy, I felt his relief at this gesture, but I could not hear his thoughts. Then an idea struck me, I did not know if it was a good one, but it was better than doing nothing. "Do you want me to tell you a story?" I asked him, anxiously awaiting his reply. "I am no child you slug", he snapped dismissively. "I would prefer it if you addressed me with Esplin", I said, slightly hurt by his rather unflattering nickname. "Slug is sufficient for me", he answered coldly, and I struggled to hide my wounded pride. _

_He fell silent again, and shifted uncomfortably, trying to sleep, but still to tense to be successful. I resisted the urge to pry on his thoughts again, and hesitantly spoke up. "You know Alloran, that you are the strongest individual I have ever met", I said quietly, once again trying to start a conversation. "Then you have not encountered any individuals that is worth meting", he stated, a tinge of hurt lingering in his words. "I don't think so", I replied. He sighted tiredly, and a felt a wave of bitterness and melancholy surge through him. "There are countless other andalites out there that are both braver, stronger and more skilled, and at least half of them would have handled this situation better than I have", he said, and I sensed that he did not wish to talk about it, then again I found myself unable to let it go. It seemed as if all his pride and self confidence had disappeared only because he had not been able to escape my warriors. He had been alone, outnumbered, he did not stand a chance, and yet his upbringing suggested that he had lost his honor, because he had not gotten away, because he had allowed himself to be infested. Allowed was a completely wrong word to use, but that was the way he saw it, and it pained me to witness his despair. "You can't know that", I said softly. "They are not the ones in your situation; you can't judge yourself when you have nothing to compare yourself too". He was very self-conscious now, and I felt a violent shiver run through his body. "This conversation alone is more than enough to prove that I am not a strong individual", he said in a monotone voice. "I am reduced to conversing with you because you leave my thoughts alone when I talk to you, that is how strong I am". _

"_That is not a fair comparison Alloran, and no matter what you say I still think you are wrong", I said, and with that our conversation ended. Remembering his bitter words I did not invade his privacy, even when we stopped conversing. "Sleep well Alloran", I said in a comforting voice. "I will make sure you have no more nightmares". He did not respond at first, but then again I had not expected him too. He hated me, and he did not wish to communicate with me in any way. Which was most understandable. So when he answered I was shocked, in a pleasant way. "Thank you……Esplin", he said, and moments later he was sound asleep. _


	9. The turning point

**Authors note: Okay folks, last chapter is now up. But, not to worry, a seqel is on the way so look out for "Brave new world". **

**Metamorphstorm: Thank you so much for yet another review!!!!!:D:D**

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**Chapter 9: The turning point **

**Esplin 9466's POV**

**Present time**

Rain poured down like there was no tomorrow, evenly thundering against the dark glass of the limousine window. It looked like the sky was crying, not a fitting comparison by any means, and yes, I know, not something a yeerk war lord should be able to recognize. Yet I did, and I found myself unable to prevent a lonely tear from traveling soundlessly down my now human cheek. My host was silent, not daring to question my somewhat uncharacteristic emotion. I had tortured him more than necessary lately, to make up for Alloran's absence perhaps, or at least to distract myself from thinking about him. My agents had not been able to find him, and I knew with certainty that they would not. He had learned from previous mistakes, and there was no way he would allow himself to be captured alive again. If I got him he would be dead, and if he lived, I would never see him again.

"You loved him", my host whispered, suddenly having forgotten everything about my previous torture. I should have punished him, a stronger yeerk, a better yeerk, most definitely would have. Yet I found myself unable to cause him pain for stating the obvious. "Yes", I confirmed tiredly. "I loved him, and I will always do". I could feel disbelief, shock and…pity, radiating from him. "He did not love you?" The human then asked. My immediate despair was more than enough to answer his question and he fell silent again, withdrawing to some untouched corner of his mind to ponder this new information.

I leaned my forehead against the cool surface of the window and closed my eyes, for a brief moment allowing myself to remember his face, his vibrant eyes, to remember him. Whatever it took, I would do whatever it took to ensure his safety and happiness, which in many ways was exactly what I had done. The day before I had ordered my underlings to stop the search. I had said that he was most likely dead, told them a ridiculously fabricated story about how this particular andalite was allergic to many earth plants. They did not believe me, although they dutifully pretended to. Fear was indeed a good motivation I reflected, knowing that without it Alloran would still be hunted by my warriors. I hoped he was content, I really did. At least he was free; finally he had gotten his freedom, what he had always wanted.

The thought made waves of intense bitterness flow through me. His absence was tearing at me, slowly yet efficiently eating away at my soul. I would have sacrificed everything for him, I knew that now. It would not even bother me should my people lose the war, as long as he was safe, as long as I could be with him. The war did not matter, what was right did not matter; he was the only thing that mattered, my Alloran. "He hates you", my host said quietly, seemingly intrigued by the prospect of a yeerk falling in love with his worst enemy. Yet there was no spite or condescending in his tone, only indifference and perhaps a hint of sadness, perhaps. "Yes", I confirmed, deciding that some honesty could not hurt after all. "You should have told him", my host then said, his words causing me to laugh bitterly. "I assure you human, that my love would have been more difficult for him to handle than my hate", I said, wondering how I had ended up like this. Reduced to accept relationship advice from a host, and a human at that.

I focused my eyes, whiping the tears away with the back of my hand. The rain had increased, and it was almost impossible to spot anything through the haze of water outside. If I really concentrated I could make out moving dots of color, indicating that we where on the highway. One dot in particular caught my attention. It held a deep cobalt blue color, and tears started seeping from my eyes again, as I immediately recognized the rich color of Alloran's fur. What a pathetic creature I was, drowning in self pity and despair, over an andalite. The dot seemed to expand, and I watched, enthralled, as it grew wider, stretched and expanded, consumed me. My body seemed to be flying, twirling around in a universe made out of the same cobalt blue color as Alloran's fur. Had I gone crazy? Was this perhaps the yeerk version of a mental illness? Yet I was intrigued to notice that my host was seeing, and feeling the exact same things as I did, so surely I was not that unstable?

"Greetings Esplin", a voice addressed me, startling me to the point of panic. I was still floating around in a world of blue, but there where no one else here, only me and my host. Fear flowed through me as I realized it was the blue bubble, the thing that was consuming me, who had just addressed me. "Indeed Esplin", the thing said, amusement evident in its voice. "Although I am no blue bubble you are right, I am the one addressing you. I am the ellimist". My firsts thought was that this had to be a dream. I had seen from Alloran's memories what an ellimist was. A mythical creature, a creation made up to keep andalite foals from venturing outside at night. Yet here I was, communicating wit that exact same creature, or perhaps I was just mentally disturbed. Crushed by the creature I loved more than everything else, a love that seemed to have become my undoing.

"Not your undoing", the ellimist said, and I sensed that he was pleased. "You said that you would sacrifice anything to have Alloran, will you Esplin 9466, will you sacrifice anything for him?". The question surprised me, and I smiled with my human mouth, baring my teeth. "Of course I would", I then said, confused about my situation, but also shocked, yes shocked, that this creature, whatever it's name was, would dare to doubt my love for Alloran. "I can give you Alloran, but you will have to give me something in return", the ellimist then said, lighting a small candle of hope. A hope I knew I should not have, because if it turned out to be useless, I knew I would never recover. "Name your price", I then said, knowing that I would give him whatever he wanted, if he could give me Alloran. The creature hummed with satisfaction, causing my ears to vibrate in a surprisingly pleasant way.

"You will have Alloran's undying love, but only of you become like him. Are you willing to take that step Esplin 9466, are you? Because if you do, your people will lose the war long before the empire was founded, there will not be a war. Do you understand?" The creature paused, allowing me time to comprehend it's words, to think, and to consider. I could have everything I had ever wanted, everything, but only if I deemed my people, my kind, to certain death. What kind of choice was that? A trickster, a meddler; that was how andalites described the ellimist. Or a cold blooded bastard as my human host put it. I had never cared much about right and wrong, only about my career, about power and recognition. Until I met Alloran that is, that was when everything changed, when I changed.

In a way it would have been better if Alloran had never been infested. I should have honored his request when we first met, I should have killed him instead of infesting him. That way I would not have to make this choice, I would not have been in this situation. No, then I would still be a respectable yeerk, a young, ambitious and idealistic Visser climbing the ranks with his eyes firmly settled on a seat in the council. Yet I fund myself unable to regret my choice, I knew with certainty that even if given the opportunity, I would not have acted any differently. An enlightenment, Alloran's appearance had been an enlightenment. He had proved that there indeed was more important things out there, things that meant more than power and rank, things like love and attraction, like beauty and kindness.

What would he have done, my Alloran? How would he have acted had he been in this same position? I knew with certainty that he would have chosen his people, sacrificed himself for the greater good. Not necessarily because he wanted to, no, rather because he would feel that it was his duty to serve his people and his princes, because his life was irrelevant compared to the thousands of others. The typical and ridiculously self-sacrificing andalite moral, as I would have thought just some months prior. Now I admired it, admired creatures that where willing to see past their own desire and ambition. Creatures that understood that sometimes there was no other option but sacrificing your dreams and longings.

Yet I knew that I could never be like this, and I felt no desire to either. I would chose what was best for me, the other did not matter. Alloran mattered, not the council of thirteen, not my yeerk brothers. I have always been selfish, and to be honest I am proud of it. After all it does take some courage to go against the norm, to act exactly the way you want to. Next to my desire for Alloran my people meant nothing. I should probably care, care about the fact that my people would be destroyed, that they would be extinct. That if I chose Alloran I would be the last yeerk ever to exist. I knew I should, but I did not, and for me that was more than enough proof. There was no going back know, of this I was certain. I was no longer a yeerk, in body yes, but not in mind. At least I was no longer the yeerk I had dreamed off when I was a grub. Then my ideal had been a ruthless killing machine destined to crush the andalites and take over all sentient species this universe had to offer.

"Have you decided?" The ellimist asked me, voice filled with a combination of melancholy and excitement. He knew what I was going to say I realized, and yet he felt it was necessary to ask, to hear me betray my own kind out load. And so I did it, I said it out load, I shouted it. "Yes", I screamed. "Yes, I accept your offer". I was surprised at how easy it was, and at how little it bothered me. I had just condemned an entire sentient species to death, and all I could think about was Alloran. Strange really, how love could do such things to you. Yet it was natural, and it felt good. The decision, despite its consequences, had made me happy. I would have Alloran, and that was all that mattered for me. He was worth everything!

The ellimist left after that, after promising that soon, very soon, my new life would begin. My human host was pulled away from me, and I was left alone, floating inside a universe made out of cobalt blue. The confinement of solitude did not really bother me. Here, in this strange place between life and death there was a piece I had never before encountered. Here I could think clearly, brood about the past and the present, and also about the future. About my future with Alloran. The ellimist had changed the course of time itself, and things would be different. I would be different, and he would be different. And I knew that my knew life would be difficult. I would have my memories, but they would merely be pieces of a forgotten life, a life that in reality, would not have existed apart from in my memory.

And with that I was pulled away from the soothing cobalt blue bubble, brutally thrown into a blinding light. I could hear noises; yes hear, with my own delicate ears I could hear. And then I opened my eyes, all four of them, looking with wonder at a world that was new in all aspects. I had become an andalite.

* * *

**I really hope you enjoyed this story, and if you did not read what I wrote at the top of this page, This story will continue in he sequel "Brave new world". The sequel should be up in perhaps three weeks, at least the first chapter. **

**Breeyar98:D**


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